The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work are based on Dr. John Gottman’s decades of relationship research. These principles form a practical framework to help couples build a strong, lasting, emotionally intelligent relationship.
Here’s a summary of each principle:
1. Enhance Your Love Maps
Know your partner deeply—understand their inner world, worries, dreams, likes, and dislikes. The more you stay curious about who they are (and who they are becoming), the stronger your connection.
2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration
Focus on what you appreciate in each other. Express gratitude often. This positive perspective helps protect your relationship during tough times.
3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away
Every time your partner reaches out—whether through words, gestures, or looks—you have a choice: turn toward or away. Turning toward builds emotional connection and trust, one small moment at a time.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You
Share power and decision-making. Respect each other’s opinions and be open to compromise. Relationships thrive on mutual influence—not control.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems
Use healthy communication strategies to manage everyday conflicts. Learn how to calm down, speak gently, listen well, and reach solutions together.
6. Overcome Gridlock
Some problems won’t go away—but they can become less painful. Understand the deeper dreams and values beneath each person’s position. This allows empathy and meaning to emerge, even when agreement is hard.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Build a life together filled with rituals, goals, and values you both cherish. It’s about creating “We” stories—where your partnership becomes more than just two individuals coexisting.
